It's Christmas, the holidays, and while my Dad's at work, my Mother's taking a bath and my Sister is en route to come by and visit for the traditional holiday meal of Turkey, Dressing, Macaroni Pie, Cranberry Sauce, 2 different kinds of cakes, cookies and all other sorts of fattening foods I'm sitting in my room, in a largely empty house thinking about all sorts of random things about both me and my past. I started off having a conversation with my mother about the holidays, and the Christmas present she got me. It was a small item, a key for Santa to make it into the house. It came in a box with a sweet poem written explaining it's use and my mother told me that it was for the future, when I had children of my own. She then expressed her worry that I wouldn't like it and that it wasn't enough. That was all that I've been presented with so far today, and I don't think my mom realizes that it isn't the physical items presented to me that make Christmas special to me. It is the meaning behind the present she gave me, and what it represents that are the reasons I enjoy Christmas. Christmas is a time for family, for loved ones, for eating and being merry, and I plan to do that, but the reason I'm writing this isn't necessarily to go on a tirade about how commercialized Christmas has become, or how you should spend time with your family, or how greedy today's children have become. I began writing this because I'm thinking about my future, and what various outcomes I might have or have had depending on the way things would turn out. I'm at a transitional state in my life, forcing things to remain in constant limbo so that I don't have to make a decision and move forward. I worry about both those whom I couldn't help, and those who lay ahead whom I hopefully will. I generally write down my thoughts so that I can work through difficult things better, when I've put words to what's bothering me and named the beast I'm battling with. I don't know if what I've said today will help those who read it with anything, and it's likely that it won't, but I've decided to write this down for my own benefit, and if it helps you, then all the better.
Randomly,
AJ